The King of Pop is no more…. I cant believe I am writing down this lines. It still feels so surreal to talk about this and to accept the fact that he is no more. I was sitting in front of my laptop working on a paper last night after Maghrib prayers when I got a twitter alert which stated Michael Jackson’s cardiac arrest. A search on Google News didn’t bring any results which was quite surprising. However the website TMZ is quite reliable and has always been proven to be accurate in the past. A part of me didn’t know what to do as I was in a state of shock. I know for a fact that people who go into cardiac arrest have a slim chance of getting out of it. In MJ’s case chances were he would not make it at all. I kept checking for updates every 2 mins and at that point I was unable to function in any other way. For some reason I was not able to send any text messages to my friends or chat with any of my family members online. It came as a great shock to me when I got a tweet which said he was no more. I knew he was not going to make it but to actually get confirmation of that news was even more shocking.

My friends were quite devastated when they found out. Facebook and Twitter were full of updates about it. For some reason I was unable to use Twitter properly as it was suffering from an overload. I did not know what do as I was still coming to terms with it. Anyway I dont want to make this post about myself as this should be about the great Musical Icon Michael Jackson.

I was quite shocked to read the horrible comments by people on TMZ and Perez Hilton. Even the queen of blogging Perez had nasty stuff to say about MJ. He alleged that MJ had faked his cardiac arrest to get out of the shows. He later changed his editorial and wrote something nice after he found out about MJ’s death. I cant believe people are so nasty at such a tragic time. They don’t have any morale fibre in their body and then go on about slamming others. The thing which sickens me is the fact that people were so busy trashing, lampooning and mocking MJ in the popular media. As soon as he died they all rushed to say kind things about him. They are all a bunch of bloody hypocrites. I know there are a bunch of people who were genuine friends and cared about him a great deal. It  saddens me to a great deal because everyone was waiting for him to fail and hoped his concerts would not take place. There were thousands of people who were eagerly awaiting to see him perform for the final time. He had so much to prove in the face of his detractors and all that pressure took a toll on him. It’s funny how people have good things to say only when people are dead. Why can’t we share our positive feelings about someone when he/she is alive? I guess no other celebrity death had such a great impact as MJ. Lady Diana’s death caused headlines around the world and was one of the saddest examples of celebrity deaths. Michael Jackson would not not know how much he is being talked about after his death. He is away from the maddening crowd, the vicious people who monitored his every move so that they could tear him apart. He does not need to worry about paying his bills, servicing his debt or to make any more money as he has been relieved of all those responsibilities.

I know for a fact that after a decent mourning period the tabloids will be rushing with exclusive details about his death or revealing “shocking” facts from close insiders. They will be descending like a pack of savages ready for the kill.  People will be coming up with unauthorised tell all books about the late King of Pop. The media is probably trying it’s best to contain it’s glee because they know they will milk this story for all it’s worth. They finally got a great story which will get people to be glued to the screens.

Michael Jackson was not one of my favorite people when I was a kid. It all changed for me when I watched his Moonwalking moves on that “Smooth Criminal” VHS tape. That was when it all changed for me and I started admiring his talent. “Dangerous” was only an eye opener and made me like him even more. My cousin started hating him after the child molestation charges came up. He got rid of all his MJ memorabilia but I refused to budge from my stand. In fact I even bought his “History” albums just to spite him as we had gotten into a fight. Those were my first original albums which I had bought. Unfortunately someone stole them from my room when we had guests over. MJ made a number of attempts to resuscitate his career in the future but then the ruthless media ruined everything.The comeback concerts were his final attempt to come back but then he didnt make it.

Rest in Peace Michael. We shall miss you and will cherish the legacy you have left us.

There are times when I go around doing things senselessly and today was no exception. I did not watch the T20 Final as I had better things to do.  I am one of those people who arent so passionate about sports but then I love watching tennis. I do get really excited when Venus or Serena win but then I dont go overboard. It is an understandable fact that our people love cricket and are truly passionate about it. I can’t fake my emotions and pretend to love cricket or football. Even though I love tennis I cant go wild celebrating when Serena or Venus wins. I do support my country and am happy for them when they win but I cant pretend to be really excited.

Anyway I did take part in the twitter e-rally and boy did i get carried away. I must have updated/tweeted around 50 times. In the end I ended up having a great time but then I ended up pissing off my friends on FB as my updates were all over their pages. I dont understand why they can’t simply hide my friend feed. I cant turn off the integration with FB can i. I love to tweet and it’s been so long since i actively took part in something.

It was impossible for me to tweet from Ilford Lane as it was really crowded. I ventured out for a few minutes and went back home as I didnt feel like hanging out in all that chaos. It’s good to know that people here are celebrating the same way they do it back home. It’s 11.30 and people are still celebrating. I bet all the takeaways and eateries must be celebrating more as they got a lot of business.

Twitter has taken over my life in a way I never expected. I have been absent from the blogging scene for quite a while now. It’s just that it’s been easier for me to tweet and share my experiences with everyone than logging on to wordpress and drafting something new. I have integrated my twitter with my facebook to make it easier for people to view my updates. Each time I tweet I have a new status message on Facebook. My friends get tired of me sometimes coz my updates fill up their page and it’s kinda annoying for them as I am totally in their face. I managed to annoy my brother big time as  I kept tweeting while watching “Drag me to Hell.” He was annoyed coz he thought I was revealing potential spoilers for the movie.

Sometimes I get really bored and just tweet for the sake of it. I tweet a lot and yet I am unable to finish my text message allowance. Despite all my persistent texting I am only able to use around 400 texts a month. I have around 1200 text messages to use every month and it’s a pity most of it goes to waste.

Anyway I know for a fact that Doc (Teeth Maestro) loves using twitter as much as I do though he uses it for more practical reasons.  People are finally catching up with Twitter and using it big time. I started off when Doc got an account but didnt use it as much as they ended support for a lot of network operators in Pakistan along with a number of countries.

I am really glad that facebook and twitter work so well together. I get a lot of facebook updates through text everyday. Most of these updates are by Doc as he is tweets a lot. I remember the day when terrorists attacked the Sri Lankan cricket team. I managed to get RT updates on my phone thanks to doc which kept me in the loop. However it can be annoying when you are sleeping and your phone keeps buzzing every 2 mins. I woke up earlier this morning to find 50 messages in my inbox (thank you twitter/facebook).

The best way to work and actually produce some results is to make sure that your laptop is placed properly on a table and to allow for proper posture. I loathe working on a laptop while lying on my bed as it tires and I don’t feel like doing much. I know I am a lazy person but not that lazy when it comes to work. At times I feel like I need to push myself to achieve something. A part of me feels that I have grown up a lot in the last 2 years but then I feel that there is a lot of room for improvement (it sounds clichéd i know).

I made a few changes in my life recently in order to adjust to current circumstances. I am working for a small startup non profit organization run by my friend. Fortunately for me so far MashAllah there is no pressure at work as everyone is laid back. I get half of what I used to get working for the mirasan but then at least I have flexible hours and can do whatever I feel like. Commuting to work is easy because I have started shunning the local transport system. The best way to go to work is to walk and that’s what has helped me a great deal. Let’s ignore the fact that it takes me 30 minutes to reach my destination whilst carrying a heavy laptop in my backpack. I had to walk in the hot sun while London was suffering from a mini heatwave. Walking has done wonders for me as I have shed most of my body fat and excess weight. People have been raving about my weight loss (was i too fat earlier???) and that has been a massive ego boost for me as I thrive on compliments. My jeans don’t fit me anymore as I need a belt to tie it around my waist. At times I feel like they are just gonna drop and I might embarrass myself in front of everyone. I look healthier and fresher than before and don’t feel depressed at all MashAllah. I guess it helps to cut caffeine, sugar, fatty stuff from your diet and adopting a healthy exercise regime. Well let’s see how long I can keep this up.  I might go back to pot again if I dont take care of myself.

In other news I had to move into a room share in the same house. My roomie is not a bad guy but can be a bit anal retentive. He loves cleaniness and it drives him crazy if I leave my shirt around, scatter my stuff around or when I dont make my bed. I know how much it bothers him and I guess that’s one reason why I love to be messy at times as I dont like to be perfect as that’s not what defines me. I like to be clean but then it drives me crazy when someone keeps bothering you about it all the time. The only reason why I dont say much to him is because I dont want to fight with him. He had to practically emotionally blackmail me into sharing a room with him. He thinks he is a master manipulator who tricked  but what he doesn’t know is that i was ready to move in. I had to make sure I moved in under my own terms and conditions hehe. Fortunately he is nice as he prays, doesn’t smell, does not disturb me and is quite accommodating at times. However i did get annoyed when he had a go at me when he came back from work yesterday. It took me all my will power not to say something stupid. However I did let him know that one has to respect others for their individuality and the fact that as his room mate I also had some power to do my own stuff. That shut him up for a while. I have this sort of personality where I just smile through everything and laugh everything off coz that’s what I am all about.

Anyway I seem to have gotten the short end of the deal as I had to leave the room so I could use my laptop. Somehow he was getting disturbed and did not want me to do anything which would disturb his sleep. Sometimes one needs to make compromises and that’s what I do. At least I managed to update my blog so I guess it all worked out well for me.

Friend Updates:

I haven’t met my friends down south in a very long time. I know that they have been busy and I have been really busy as well. It’s just that it takes forever to go down south and that really tires me. There are some people who have let me down but then that does not mean I am pissed off with them or the fact that I am gonna dump them or ignore them. It just means I wont rely on them to help me in times of need or ask them for any more assistance in the future. It’s an understood fact that reputation isn’t exactly that great but then I always change my plans to accommodate others.

It takes time to befriend someone and to know them better. One can choose his/her friends but then you have to make sure they like you back. I am fortunate MashAllah se that I managed to find 2 good friends in my area. I never expected to be good friends with my cousin’s brother in law (Ray). There was a time when I did not know him so well as he used to keep to himself as he usually doesn’t mix up with people easily. I was more friendly with my cousin’s hubby (Rex) before I got to know Ray better. The next thing I know I started hanging out with Ray more and we got to know each other and now we are the best of friends MashAllah. He is a good friend who has a heart of gold and cares a lot for his friends. I dont want to go into details as I am sure you all understand what I am talking about. If a friend welcomes you into his house, treats you like a family member, invites you to all big and small occasions, then that means you are doing something right.

I dont want to talk about my other friend here as it sounds silly just raving about your friends. Maybe I can blog about all my friends and what I think about them (ranks, pros and cons).

Friends are an important part of our lives as they help us cope with all sorts of problems (or maybe some) and are there for us in times of need. Of course there are exceptions i.e if you are a very introverted or anti-social person or some person who has a superiority complex or maybe someone with imaginary friends he/she can’t get along with. I know that it all sounds clichéd but then cliches are based on reality at the end of the day. The only reason why “Friends” was a big success was because all of the friends shared such a great bond (never mind the fact that they were all caucasian) and were there for each other. I often wonder at times if I will ever have a friend for life. So far in my experience I have not had any luck with friends so far (maybe I am the  victim of a curse.)

I only had 2-3 good friends in Primary school but then we all grew apart when we moved on to High School. I am still friends with the guys I was friends with in High School but then its not like it was in the past. I was keeping track of all the friends I made at school, college, uni, workplace, random places and I just realized that I don’t have many loyal friends. Maybe the rest of them should be re branded as mere acquaintances as they are quite selfish. It really sucks when you realize your friends only like you when you are having a good time. When you are down in the dumps with no money or struggling, they suddenly develop amnesia and don’t bother to help you out during your difficult phase. For some “strange” reason all invitations to parties and events dry up and you are left high and dry.

It is strange because they remember to invite everyone on their mailing list and they conveniently forget their down on his luck friend. Fine I can accept the excuse that my invitation got lost in the mail but then I have to think of something so I wont feel so bitter about it. They say that the friends you make at school and college are friends for life (yeah right.) I am glad that the friends I have are the ones who have stayed true to me during my troubled times and they have helped me in every way. I was really upset when my so called good friends (now they are merely friends with no value) dumped me when I needed them the most. I was there for them when they needed me and now I am all alone.

I am not an anti-social person as I love making friends and am a very friendly person but then these bitter experiences have taught me a lot. I guess I should be the poster child for “Frenemies”  (Friends turned foes). I dont blame people for the way they are as I am not perfect. Oh well time for me to find new friends and invest more time with the ones I already have.

I am sick and tired of being nice to everyone. People always end up taking advantage of you and you are left with the short end of the stick. The time has come to be nasty and not to give a damn about anyone anymore. A part of me was stopping me from reporting my ex employers to the authorities or to take harsh action against them. Their behavior has been very bad as they have caused me nothing but stress. They have made so many false promises so far that I have lost faith in them. They dont seem to care that i am starving and have lost loads of weight. There have been nights when I didnt eat properly at all. I was extremely hungry earlier today as I had no idea what I was going to do for food. My friend was nice enough to buy me a 15 inch pizza which i finished in 15 mins as i was really hungry. You know you are hungry when your stomach starts growling, you feel dizzy, you see two of everything etc.

I am so angry that I can go and burn down their business. My cries for help went unheeded nor were my phone calls attended. It pissed me off to such a great extent that I decided to take drastic action. My evil side truimphed over the good side by encouraging me to report them to someone who can fix their wagon. I don’t want to reveal any details so far as it’s too early but I swear I am going to bring those shithead Pakistanis to justice and shame them in front of the world. They have caused me a lot of distress and have screwed around a long time. They have messed with the wrong person. We shall see their faces when I finally truimph InshAllah.

Fuck the dodgy Pakistanis who take advantage of people. May they rot in this life and the next lifetime.

There are times in my life when I obssess about how random things can change our destiny. We often believe that we are responsible for shaping up our own destiny even though our destiny is already pre-ordained. Things are meant to be for a reason and we can’t go against the fundamentals of nature. I often used to wonder how things would have been had I taken different steps in my life. Sometimes I hate myself for missing so many opportunities which could have changed my future. Alas it’s no use crying over spilt milk as there is nothing you can do about it as life has a funny way of shaping up.

I remember the time when I was interning at my cousin’s now defunct software firm. I had an opportunity to work on some many things and learn so many skills. However I was a dumb teen with a really bad attitude problem and issues with authority which resulted in me not gaining skills in Oracle, Visual Basic and various stuff which would have helped me sometime in the future. I regret not getting good grades in High School. I had no idea stupid British Companies look at High school grades as well as your uni grades when they are looking to hire you. If I had gotten good grades I would have not landed up at Informatics. I would not have met a bunch of people who ended up transferring their credits to British Universities and then I would not have followed suit. Maybe it would have all been different had I gotten good grades, obtained good skills, gone to a better university in Pakistan and then an ivy league university in the UK for my post-graduate degree. If only I had not wasted so much time not doing anything while waiting to go to London, I would have achieved something. Maybe I would have altered history if I had not met my friend at university and ended up befriending a friend of his which in turn led to our cousins getting married.

When I sit around doing anything I wonder what I did wrong in my life but then I know everything is meant for a reason. It was in my destiny to study in London, to make friends in London and to maybe find a partner (for marriage). I dont know if things would have been better had I done everything right but then nobody is perfect. I still have time to learn from my mistakes but I still dont think I have.

There are times in life when you hate going to work as there are too many problems there. I was fortunate that I didn’t have to go to work early on Monday as I had an appointment with my GP in the morning. This was a good enough reason for me to only work a half day.

Anyway my commute to work is a lot of fun (no it’s not). It’s the same old routine nearly everyday where I have to go to the rail station, catch the fast train to Stratford, take the tube to work, followed by a change of two buses and then finally after walking 5 minutes I reach my destination. It can be really annoying when you are trying to go down the stairs during rush hour and stupid commuters are walking slowly and not on side of the stairs. They are supposed to walk in one formation and not spread out like bees or something. At times I feel like shoving them aside and running down or to just slide down the stairs on that Bannister thingie (is that what they call it nowadays). It is the same situation on the way back when you have to rush towards the other platform to catch the train and people moving slowly ruin your chances for you. Mind you they aren’t senior citizens (they have the right to walk slow) but they are normal people who just love to ruin someone’s day (why does it have to be me?). I forgot to mention rush hour commuting early in the mornings. People seem to forget there are fast trains running every 5 minutes and yet they seem to be pushing themselves into the carriages like sardines. It is really annoying when you are being pushed aside when you have a comfortable place to stand and someone just takes your spot. I feel like telling those bitches off big time because my good deed goes in vain. I did not move over so you can take the whole spot and push me into the cess pool of people where i can barely move my arms and hands around. So much for being a good Samaritan (no way am I being nice again). This is the routine I go through nearly everyday though (even though i went in late on monday). Work can be dull at times if you have nothing good to do there except make phone calls and fend off personal attacks from your co-workers (a mix of Indian and Pakistanis). I am glad we get an hour off for lunch but then it gets to be really annoying if you haven’t been paid and you have to sit there listening to music or checking your email as you have nothing better to do. No need for me to mention the commute on the way back as I have already refered to it earlier. I get really tired when I get home and don’t feel like doing anything. My flatmate is nice enough to share his food with me though i am keeping track of how much I owe him so far (30 pounds and counting for all the dinners I have had). The internet at home sucks big time (that’s because everyone in this house has a laptop and I think they are heavy users) so that means I can barely download anything at times. I barely get 3 hours to myself before I go off to sleep.

Last week was not so bad as I managed to take Thursday and Friday off because of the flu. I am still feeling a bit under the weather right now and I dont feel like doing anything. I feel really nauseous and can barely talk but hey at least I feel good enough to rant

The past weekend was quite horrible for me as I was going through a personal problem as well as financial. I am quite pissed off with the fact that my employers have yet to pay me and my co workers. They find it fit to pay all the managers a handsome amount of money but the people who bring in all the money are treated like shit. I was shocked as they kept making promises to pay but havent paid us as yet. It sucks to work for Pakistanis as they are the most dodgy and untrustworthy of the whole lot. They sit around having pizzas and burgers for lunch while they claim they dont have any money to pay anyone. They have big fancy four wheel drives and yet they expect to get away without paying anyone of us. I regret taking up a job with them even if it was for the short term. It has given me more stress than working for the diva. It is true when they say money is the source of all evil. We all know they have money and yet they haven’t paid us. I felt bad as I had no money to eat this weekend. I am glad for a fact that i went over to my uncle’s place where they fed me well but the it was only because they are hospitable and caring. They had no idea what I was going through as I could not bear to moan and bitch about this fact with them. I am so glad I had 3 packets of instant noodles with me otherwise I wouldnt have anything to eat on saturday. The worst bit is that all these late payments have delayed everything for me and I am unable to make any savings. If i had some savings I would have coped with it. My stomach was growling all day today and I was feeling quite dizzy and unsure of everything. I felt like crying because I did not know what to do. I work hard to get the money and yet I haven’t been paid. My employers make us cry for our money like as if we dont have any rights. They keep putting more and more pressure on us everyday. My heart was cursing them because I was so hungry I didn’t know what to do. It reminded me of the dreadful time I had three years ago when I was in a terrible position because I had no job. I don’t know how but I managed to go over to my cousin’s place to borrow some money for food. My cousin only had a tenner on her at that time but was kind enough to give it to me. It sucks that I dont even have any money to travel to work tomorrow but then I informed my managers that they should do something about it. I am sitting here writing this as I am really annoyed and am burning up with anger as they have crossed all limits. I pray that my IT education does not go to waste and I get a proper job where I make a decent income. Save me from all these troubles Allah and help me. I know it’s a test for me and I hope I shall prevail InshAllah. Screw all Pakistanis who screw with their own people. I shall see you all on the day of Judgement and boy it wont be good for all of you. You all have messed with the wrong guy.

yet another wicked statement by an evil but adorable cat