The past week was quite tough for me mentally as my chachi passed away last Sunday night. It was very tough for me when I found out as it was not news I was expecting to hear. I had been very happy that weekend and had some great times watching “SATC”, going out with friends, etc. The news shook me really bad on Monday Morning. A part of me felt that it was the last time i saw her before i left for London. She was my favorite chachi who did a lot for us all. I can never forget all the times she took care of me, ordered special meals for me when i stayed at their place, all those presents and most important all those duas. She endured so much in her lifetime (terrible inlaws, loss of two brothers and her daughter’s tragic death last year) as well as various ailments). It should be noted that she passed away exactly a year after my cousin’s tragic death. I was quite miserable for two days because i had no way of expressing my grief. It sucks when one is away from home as you have to grieve all alone and there is no way for you to express yourself. There is a feeling of hopelessness and you wish you were back home to be with your loved ones to comfort them. The only thing I hate is when people use those cliched lines “she is in a better place”, “pray for her”. Fine they may be right as there is nothing we can do except pray but cant they come up with something better or not say anything at all. There have been so many deaths in my family that i am shaken to the core. Each time i call home i have to ask about everyone because i am scared they might have passed away without me being in the loop. I always pray for my family and my pets as well so that they have nice long healthy lives. It is sad cause i lost my mumani (maternal uncle’s wife) in mid April and now i have lost yet another relative. We were all very close and it feels strange to loose someone else. At times i think these deaths are making us all numb and preparing us for the future. I just feel scared as there are more ailing relatives out there. I talked to my cousins earlier today. It wasn’t an easy time for me as they were quite distraught and it took me all my strength not to cry over the phone. I wish i could do something for them but alas i couldn’t.
At least i have all those good memories with me which i shall cherish forever. She may be gone but we shall remember her and join her soon someday. Dido was right when she said our life is on rent. We don’t own these bodies forever. Our lease will expire someday and we will be back to the earth we were created from.
