So the dictator has finally quit and left the building. I have no words to express over here as I can only ho hum. I have always been an optimist but in this case I shall make an exception. I seriously doubt that Musshy’s departure will be end of dictatorship and the start of a new era. All I can say is that the Pakistani Public is really dumb and has been bamboozled yet again. I’d rather take a military dictator than deal with any of those retards in the government. I dont get the whole lawyers struggle and the whole issue about democracy as the political parties (ganju and his new best buddy=soon to be bitter enemies) used it to their own advantage to settle their scores.  It is all a farce as they dont care about anything but themselves. I am pretty sure ganju used to have dreams about being PM once again and sitting with his chamchas having nihari and talking like a gawal (whatever that is) or playing cricket or his dreams of becoming the supreme ruler of pakistan. I bet he planned his revenge for a very long time and right now he must be doing some sort of victory bhangra. Azif or let’s just call him greedy man must be glad to get rid of mush man coz he can probably take over the presidency and do as he pleases. It’s obvious that he sees dollar and pound signs and thinks that the treasury will be his piggy bank once again. I feel really bad as we have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. The situation will be ok for a time and there will be a lot of back slapping and jubiliance in the air. Even a fool knows that Ganju wants to be PM and take over the country once again. There will be a lot of bitterness in the air later as they both try to out manoveur each other and take the reins of power. Ganju will feel he has the advantage as he fought for democracy and the rights of the judges blah blah blah. Seems that he does not have the memory of an elephant as it was him and his party which attacked the supreme court around 10-11 years ago.  I wish they would have done something for the country instead of fighting to impeach the president. Musshy was terrible and made a few mistakes but he was a better choice than the rest of the retards who are gonna fight for the rights to the throne.

Our problems have not ended as it this is just the start of the beggining of the end of democracy as this will self destruct in some time leading to chaos within the infrastructure unless some sort of miracle takes place. Allah protect our country from all these greedy yahoos who want to make a quick buck and not give a damn about the people of Pakistan. If they had cared a bit then they would have done something to help everyone instead of letting them fend for themselves. Allah save us all.

I have never a big fan of KMB even though i like to go there from time to time to catch up on the latest karachi news (nice way to contradict myself). It was quite tasking commenting on some of the posts (this was before the site went for a much needed makeover, though the current makeover isnt that great) as people would end up following them up with really stupid ones. There were some dicks who would leave comments pretending to be me as they did not appreciate my comments. I simply stopped commenting till a new system was introduced. The only credible person on KMB is doc (teeth maestro) and not because i know him well. I checked out the KMB lately for new information and was disgusted by a post from a writer who does not know what he was talking about. His piece was quite dumb and one sided and had no basis. The part about blaming Musshy and his Women’s bill proved that the writer is a chauvinist who does not know what he is talking about. I am no fan of Musshy but i think that the bill has no relevance with the morals of men and women in Pakistan (Read my post about the slutty maid ). If we have learnt anything it’s that men and women will always have the urge to have fun because they can’t live without it. Now this does not mean that all men and women are bad. There are a few bad apples who can’t control the urge and want to have it on any given occasion. I believe that sex existed even before the “modernization” of Pakistan. It just wasn’t so open back then though. Anyway it’s not a big deal that he sees couples making out or on third base during his commute to work or whatever he is doing. It sickens me that he wants to go and make videos of them (Even if he was being sarcastic) is hitting below the belt. It’s like sending a message out to the west that all of a sudden Pakistanis have learnt about sex and want to go out and have it anywhere and everywhere. A nation does not become advanced just because they are having sex and are wearing revealing clothes. It could have been an interesting post had it not been the approach the writer took.

Note to the writer : go back to writing school and learn to be more responsible when writing. we dont need to read crap like that.

It sucks when one is unemployed coz you feel like shit as there is nothing exciting in your life. I have been back since the last 2 months (no wait nearly 3 months) and I still haven’t found a job. It is really frustrating having to play the waiting game when you know that your visa expires in the second quarter of 2009 (the first month of the second quarter though it can be extended for a further year). It sucks even more when one has to go to all the agencies and to convince them that you can work. I don’t understand why the government is taking no steps in making sure that graduates wont face any problems working in the UK. Most of the employers and recruitment agents claim never to have heard of my visa category. I feel like i am a demented person making it all up when I explain my right to work. Why the hell did the government create the IGS (1 Year) and replace it with the PSW (2 Years) when it doesn’t even bother educating the stupid people out there? I feel like hitting my head against a brick wall when I am unable to get them to understand. It’s so obvious that they don’t want to do anything mainly because they discriminate. People tell me not to give up and i am glad I havent. Some morons tell me to get married to a british gal but then that’s not the route i wanna take to get a job. It just bothers me that people who are on HSMP are eligible to apply for jobs and the rest of us poor saps can’t even put their foot in the door despite our eligbility. It is like a paradox or something or maybe it’s just my bad luck. I wish the Home Office would do something about it and send like a million pamphlets to these companies. They don’t seem to realise that if they were to give me a job i could reach my target within the time frame and move to HSMP. I try and try hard but then i dont think it will be easy. However I have faith that somehow I might end up with something provided they overlook all that.

The Devil has a lot of power over me and I am not kidding. Nah that is not the title of some B grade Hollywood movie nor is it the name of my next book (ummm when did i write my first one anyway?). This is the harsh reality of life we are familiar with and ignorant of at the same time. We go about our lives trying to be good human beings, praying on time, doing good deeds, being charitable to others, etc. Then we end up ruining it for ourselves by backstabbing others, mocking people, lying, stealing and deceiving others. It is so easy for us to claim that we are good human beings when we don’t stop to realise that we can be horrible human beings as well. No one can claim to be perfect coz face it that is not possible (maybe only in bizzaro world or if you are the brady family).

I am sure the Devil or Lucifer or Beezlebub or whatever they call him must be laughing each time we do something good coz he knows that we will succumb to his temptations soon. People who claim to be holier than though are his favorite victims (that’s why I don’t trust bearded holy men who moonlight as builders. you can go and ask my friend alvin and he will tell you why). My dad was right when he said that he can’t trust all these people as they are the worst of the lot (thank you devil).

There are times when I feel I am so good coz i pray on time, read the Quran, am charitable to otehrs, etc. It all comes to an end when I end up doing stupid stuff. Poof all that hard work goes down the drain and I am back at square one. There have been two instances last week when I went to the mosque to pray and all I could do was to criticise people by mentally making notes and making fun of them in my mind.  Fine I did not agree with the fiery speaker who delivered a long and boring speech about something  really boring (yeah i can’t believe i was thinking like that while in a holy place). At the same time i kept wondering why I was thinking like that and why I wasn’t struck down by a bolt of lightning. I felt like as if the devil was at my side and guiding me to think like that. Then I felt that the devil was not to blame as I was responsible for my own thoughts. Why is it that we blame everything on the devil when we know that whatever we do is because of our free will? Am i contradicting myself here or am I trying to find a reason to absolve the Devil of everything? How do I even know that the devil wants me to write this so that he can look really good? Am I merely a vessel for him to portray him in a good light or am I simply just a dumb fool who just wants to glorify the devil in writing?

I just feel that if your faith is strong you can avoid the devil most of the time. If you let your guard down it’s an all access pass for the devil and he shall make hay while the sun shines.

Wimbledon is one of the most prestigious tennis tournaments of the world.  (yeah we covered that in the last post.) The thing is that no British Male or Female has won Wimbledon in a long, long time. (well not so long for women coz Virginia Wade was the last British Woman to win in 1977). The thing is that the British only love Wimbledon as far as I know. Most of the other tennis tournaments are virtually ignored in the media. They are really crazy about Wimbledon as it takes place in their own backyard. This is the time of the year when they get to dress up in posh clothes, wear shades and outdo each other in the style stakes. The older they get the more dressy they get. The british used to pin their hopes on Tim Henman to win Wimbledon (just for the honor) but then sadly he burned out and retired. That was when Andy Murray burst on to the scene to make a great impact. The British public have always supported Andy Murray because he is young, full of life and the biggest British Tennis Superstar (even if he scottish and not english). For some reason they are overly optimistic that he will win Wimbledon someday and i applaud them for that. However it doesn’t seem so likely in the near future because of Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. The british always seem to think that there is a slim glimmer of hope that Murray might reach the finals and win. I just think that they are a bit too optimistic for their own good. Murray lost against Nadal yesterday and i wasn’t surprised at all. Despite the british crowd backing their home boy there was no chance in hell he could win. The thing i have noted about the british public is that they always back the underdog and they never seem to go for the good players. It’s nice of them to back the underdog but i believe that it’s a bit unfair as they should applaud both the players and not just one. The crowd at the show courts is always nice and are decent enough to applaud for the winner but then if there is anything i have learnt it’s that you can see what people really feel on sports forums. A number of racist btards had only mean things to say about the Williams sisters. I don’t understand why people are so jealous of them and hate them. I have noted that some british people tend to be quite jealous of rich and successful people. Note that this post is not an attack against British people. Why can’t they be happy for them and get on with it? Why do they have to be so bitter about it? If they hate it so much and want to make some money, then they’d better get off their lazy arses, stop claiming benefits and start working. It’s funny how Wimbledon is the only tennis event which gets some importance though it’s not the sort of sport which will stop all activities and get people to gather around at sports bars to watch (well to be fair the semis and quarter finals are at a time when people are at work). I remember really well what happened on sunday (incidentally the Euro 2008 Final). It was eeriely quiet at the time the final was being played. I was travelling on the train and most of the carriages were empty. I thought i was in a ghost town. There were hardly any people anywhere, not even at the station and not even at Clapham Junction. The only people i saw were at waterloo and barely a few on the underground. It was surprising for me because I didn’t expect the british public to be so glued to the tv screens to watch football. Now it wasn’t as if England was playing in the tournament that gave them the reason to watch. It proves that Football shall always rule the roost and Tennis will only play second fiddle till Andy Murray does the unthinkable and actually wins.

PS. Serena and Venus are through to the Finals. Yay.

Friends are an important part of our lives because we simply can’t live with them or without them. Those people who don’t believe in friends are major losers or have some problem in their upper compartments hehe. This is a reason why sitcoms like “Friends” and “How I met your mother” got to be  popular. One can share all sorts of secrets with a trusted friend, call them up at times of need (3 am friends), beg for a handout or loan or reliable for a quick make out session (only valid for desparados who can’t keep their pants up). Note that friends can be either male or female as it doesn’t make a difference. People who think that men and women can’t be friends live in the dark ages (yup that has to be the most cliched line ever).

Anyway there are some friends who gel so well together that they become best of buddies. Now one might think it’s all right and not such a big deal. However it can be a big deal for three out of ten people who tend to become a bit too possessive of their best friends. Let’s just say that it’s more like a scene out of “Single White Female” except for all the crazy stuff. They seem to hate it when other people are getting too friendly with their best buds as they were angling to be the only ones in their lives. The only thoughts running through their head are “get lost you bitch/whore/whatever(note that this applies for both men and women) he/she is my friend”. They fear losing out their close bond and want to rip their rivals to shreds. In some cases some people aren’t bothered as the presence of new people in the circle won’t endanger their chances as there is plenty of space for everyone. Then there are some situations where the third party knows that person A is best friends with person B and tries everything in his/her power to encroach that territory. That is when insecure person A finds out and refuses to give up without a fight. This is followed by a lot of awkward situations where they try to bring each other down in order to be closer to person B who either has a lot of pheremones, is really popular or in some cases wealthy and cool to hang out with. Only the clever wolves manage to get through situations like that through shrewd manipulation and sabotage. Note that spiking his/her drink (non-alcoholic of course) will not reap any rewards. It won’t help to trip him/her while walking, embarrassing him/her in front of everyone or to give them the wrong message.

I have had a couple of situations where my best friend and i would hang out after uni. We used to have a lot of fun until the third wheel dropped in (who later became my friend but then now we are back to not talking to each other). I was fine as I am generally not such a jealous or possessive person. Anyway he used every trick in the book to try and spend more time with him which left me  holding the short end of the stick. I was not insecure as I knew that we were still good friends. However it really bugged me that the third wheel or let’s just call him A.hole was trying to cut me out from everything. Anyway I just smiled through it all coz i am not the one who wastes his energy on stuff which doesnt matter. The only time i got really pissed off was when A.hole, BB (Best Bud) and i had gone out somewhere. A.hole’s dad was visiting from Mauritius and had come along for part of the journey. We had to drop him at a point where he was to be picked up the rest of the family. Anyway it pissed A.hole to a great extent that i was riding shotgun in BB’s car, he actually got his dad to make me vacate the seat. I was so shocked that someone would actually go to that extent all for an ego. I used the opportunity to berate him for the rest of the journey and made sure that i got to ride shotgun after we stopped off for lunch.

Tennis has always been my favorite sport and no other sport can take it’s place. I can remember the first time i ever watched tennis on TV and getting hooked to the glamour of the game. It was way back in 1988 when I watched the Wimbledon Ladies finals on tv during a beautiful rainy day in Karachi (wow i cant believe it’s been 20 years). That was when i fell in love with the new champion Steffi Graf who defeated  Martina Navratilova in a three set thriller (5-7, 6-2, 6-1). That was the moment I knew that Tennis would be the only sport I would follow.  I respect people who religiously follow Cricket (a lot of fans in the sub-continent) and Football (most of the world and the English). I can’t pretend to love these sports as they are not my cup of tea. I have to admit though that I only watch the Ladies playing as it’s a lot more fun than watching Men play. They say that the Gentleman game is loads more fun than the Ladies Singles. I don’t see any fun in watching men hit the ball and try and finish the game by clinching 3 sets to win the match. It is a lot  more fun to watch women play in a competitive manner and to seal the deal. Anyway once again I have drifted away from the main post which was to discuss Wimbledon 2008. Wimbledon is one of the most prestigious Grand Slams as it is very “posh”. There was a time when i would only watch the tournament because I loved watching Steffi Graf win. It was sad when she played her last Tournament in 1999 when she lost to Davenport. That was when I decided to back a new player. Venus Williams was a young upcoming player at that time and she was one person to watch out for. That was when I decided she was the one for me and she would be my favorite player till her retirement. Serena Williams joined the list a couple of months later when she won the US Open.

Wimbledon is no fun without the Williams sisters. I remember the thrill I got when I found out that Venus won Wimbledon for the third time in 2005. I was totally gutted when I found out she had lost to Jelena Jankovic in 2006. That put me down big time and I refused to read the sports pages both on line and offline. It was a big thrill for me once again when Venus won Wimbledon for the fourth time in 2007. She was very elated and was on top of the world. I felt like i was a part of her victory as I prayed a lot for her victory. People laugh at me when I tell them that i love Venus and Serena. They are all like “they look like men”,”classless gals”, etc. I don’t care as i am a loyal fan and I believe in them full time. They are true sports superstars in their own right who haven’t burned out because they only play when they know they can compete. Venus and Serena have truly been dominant at Wimbledon throughout the last eight years except for the losses to Sharapova and Mauresmo. I don’t seem to understand why all these commentators always have no good word for them and are always backing the underdog.

Wimbledon 2008 has been quite exciting for me so far. I have been following the tournament both online (on the BBC website where i can view streaming video) as well as the normal BBC channels. I was so stressed about the matches that I kept dreaming about Venus and Serena playing. So far I am very happy as most of the seeds have crashed out. Venus and Serena did not play so well during the first 3 rounds. However they are playing really well now and have even trashed the so called giant killers. Serena was really powerful in her match against the Polish player Radwanka or whatever her name is and won in straight sets 6-4, 6-0. She was so dominant in the second set that i thought the Polish player was gonna break down and cry. It proves that Serena has the potential to make it to the final and win. Venus had a good match against the Thai player Tamasurin who played really well. However she wasn’t powerful enough for Venus’s serve and eventually lost. Dementeiva had a tough match against Petrova as both of them played erratically and seemed to crumble under the pressure. I am so glad I did not watch them play as they aren’t my favorite players. The big surprise of the tournament is the Chinese Wild card who has made it all the way to the semis after defeating Vaisodova and is no gonna play Serena. I hope Serena plays as well as she did in the quarter finals. I really want the sisters to play against each other in the final on Saturday provided the heavy rain forecast doesn’t ruin the day for them.

I really think that the tournament officials are biased as they made the Ladies play on court 2 on Monday. Court 2 is known as the Graveyard of Champions as a lot of people have lost playing over there. I guess it’s all psychological and that’s what brings them down. Fortunately Venus and Serena managed to win all three of their matches on Monday despite the awful reputation of Court 2 (Singles and Doubles). It is rather unfortunate that they were made to play there despite being former Champions. They would never subject the men to such treatment. It took the Tournament Officials forever to give the women equal prize money. It proves that Men always give preferential treatment to their own kind (for shame you chauvinist jerks). I know some of my words sound like as if  i am quoting what the players said but then it’s true.

I just hope that the sisters win against their opponents on Thursday and reach the Final. It doesn’t matter who wins as one of them will have a major title in her name once again. Good luck to you girls. Wish you all the best.

Most of my fans know that i have spent part of the last three years of my life in London. London can be either a very exciting city or a very shitty place to live in (it all depends on which area you reside). It is a great place for people who have full time jobs,   living on doleouts from daddy dearest (students from foreign countries), or if you are the property of some cougar (older woman with a toy boy).

The point is that one needs to be earning to enjoy the good life in London. There was a time when i wanted to make a good amount of money so i could live a good life while studying. That was one reason why I applied for a job as a charity fund raiser. It was a beautiful rainy  day in August 2005 when I decided to go out for a walk in Wimbledon (not Wimbledon Village). I met this sweet anxious little fund raiser who wanted me to give my direct debit details so that she could reach her target for the day. My curiousity got the better of me and i asked her for the name of her company so i could also apply for a job. Little did i know that i would get a call back from them soon after i registered. They invited me over for an interview which required a bit of roleplay and a final interview. I was chuffed when i found out that i had made the cut. The company invited me for a training session at Oxford. I am sure i must have mentioned this bit in my blog earlier. Anyway the training session went well as the trainers were a lot of fun. They were all gung ho about fund raising and how easy it was for them to raise money. I guess they were quite charming coz we actually believed everything they said. I wanted to believe them and yet my  gut instinct was that it was not as easy as it sounded. They taught us a lot of techniques on how to get people to donate. I thought it would be a piece of cake and decided to go to work two days after my training session. That was the start of my nightmare job which i wish i had never taken.  I should have listened to my friend when he told me that i was not gonna find it easy. The locations were at random places around London and not all of them were a pretty sight. we got to go to Brixton, carnaby street, QM Uni and some other place i cant remember. That was when i stopped smelling the roses and realised that it wasn’t that easy. I am not a groaner/moaner (well i can be at times if the going gets tough) but then it was too much for me to handle. My “kind handlers” suddenly turned into these greedy vultures who wanted us to break our backs to reach our target for the day. I wanted to cry out in pain because my feet hurt like hell and I couldn’t stand. It is not an easy task asking people to fork over their direct debit details. i tried every trick in the book to get some potential victims and yet I failed every time. I did manage to get some kind people to donate but I guess it was only because they felt sorry for me. I had to pretend to be all cheery and at the same time i used to wish that the earth would open up and swallow me. It was a lot of fun having people avoid me, curse me, call me names, etc and yet i stayed brave and endured it. The funny thing was that my handlers were critical and not at all supportive  as they pushed us to be more ruthless in our pursuit of victims. Well let’s just say that I finally lost the job or let’s just say i quit the job after they started reprimanding me for no reason. I was gonna be fired anyway coz i hadn’t met my targets and turned up 2 minutes late once. Anyway i am glad i quit coz my second term had just started and i was able to achieve my academic goals.

My fund raiser experience was horrifying and scarred me for a very long time. It made me avoid them with a vengeance. The only problem is that it’s tough to avoid them as they are everywhere. I see them like nearly every other day and it’s quite tough to avoid them. I do feel sorry for them as they don’t know what they are in for. I do stop for the ones i feel sorry for and share some words of wisdom “run for the hills and don’t look back. this job will ruin your life”. They always tend to look at me in a funny way whenever i give them advice.The funny thing is that the fund raisers use the same tried and tested methods which they taught us at chugger school.

I nearly got sucked into a job which would have required me to go door to door trying to persuade people into buying Sky subscriptions. I had no idea what i had gotten into when i was randomly posting cvs on jobsites looking for a job. I got this call from a company in slough for an interview. They told me it was a marketing job but then i had no idea what it entailed as there was no job description. I made it through the first interview and was summoned for the second day after that. I don’t know why i kept getting the feeling that there was something wrong. Everything looked all right on the surface but then i could still feel that there was something wrong. Anyway they told me that the second interview was all about observing them at work and that was when i realised i had been duped as it was not a marketing job but a sales job. They took me out on the field to test me and that was when i smelled the roses (using the phrase yet again) and realised that i was gonna be wasting my time. I was supposed to report back to the office for the qa session after my field training was over. The sucky bit was that my ride had already left without me and there was no way for me to go back. I had to walk all the way to the station so i could go back to Slough. I realised there and then that there was no way i was gonna go back and i used my return ticket to go back to London.

I am glad I learned from my charity fundraiser lesson and did not go for that crappy job. So when i spotted some Npower reps at the station i ran for my life. So whenever you see some commission greedy sales rep just run for the hills and dont look back.

Traveling in London can be quite tiring because of the poor quality of service. I tend to use the train and underground to go about everywhere because they are faster and more reliable than buses. I had a terrible experience on the bus around 2 weeks back when some asshole picked my pocket and nicked my mp3 player. I ranted and fumed for around 2 days till i realised I was never going to see my beloved Mp3 player again. Anyway let’s get back to my story about travelling in London. I loathe travelling on the underground because it can be too taxing. For starters the heat gets to you and makes you wanna get out of the train really fast. I thank my lucky stars whenever i complete my journey on time and don’t have to endure severe delays. Grabbing a seat on the underground during peak hours is like a game of musical chairs. The best way to get a seat is to go through the door where people aren’t exiting as one can cover ground really fast and find a seat. I have had to curse my luck for standing at the wrong spot on a number of occasions which resulted in me standing during most of the journey (which can be a pain if you are in sandals). Travelling on the underground is boring as people act like as if they are super miserable and are on their way to death row. It’s rare to see anyone smiling or even looking at anyone. I guess I should bring a canister of laughing gas with me next time i am travelling on the tube. At least i can get to see some smiles and i wont have to bother with the negativity in the air. It tends to be a downer and brings everyone down coz it’s so infectious. It also bothers me when people start picking their nose, applying makeup, playing music really loud on their cellular phones (haven’t they heard of headphones) which tends to be really annoying and gives me a bad headache, or doing some random stupid thing. People who read books, newspapers, play games on their DS-Lite and PSP aren’t being anti-social if they are travelling on their own as they want to kill time. Couples who find time to make out in slow motion during journeys can be super annoying as one tries hard not to stare at them. It is impossible as they are either in front of you or sitting in a way that you can’t avoid them. I haven’t gotten of staring away from kissing couples as my neck hurts a lot. I don’t know how much longer I have to keep up with it. Then there are people who end up staring at each other but are too afraid to make the next move. Some brave fools try to break the ice but then the other one always gets cold feet later. This is one reason why London Newspapers have this section where these lovefools (or lust fools) post their missed encounters. The ad is usually like “saw u at blah blah line at blah blah time. you were the hot blah blah whatever and i was the one in blah blah whatever. Fancy a drink.” Geez most of these ads are more cliched than an Indian or English rom-com.

I hate changing between trains because i simply hate the decor and the fact that the walking distance from one line to another is like a walk from home to china. My walk down the corridors is ruined coz people don’t know how to walk and end up blocking the way. They need to be taken to some school where they should be taught how to talk.

I have seen something positive on the underground lately. A lot of people travelling on the underground have had no respite from beggars who would beg their way while on the underground.  I guess the authorities have cracked down on them as I haven’t seen any beggars in a long time. I am also glad that they decided to ban alcohol from all public transport. It was a bit annoying coming home late at night and watching people walk about in drunken stupor. I can’t stop people from drinking outside but at least they don’t have to drink on the underground and endanger the lives of others by doing something stupid.

The authorities have also started scanning people randomly at certain stations to prevent knife crimes. This makes me feel safer. They should have done this a long time back. They have also started cracking down on fare evaders and imposing heavy fines on them. I believe that this is a good move on their part as people will take them more seriously now and pay the full fare. I watched this fare evader being stopped by an officer at Tottenham court station earlier in the day.

Oh well here’s an end to yet another boring post. Hope you enjoyed it.

PS.

Books i am reading on the underground :Wicked, Yes Man

Music I am listening to on the underground :Alanis Morissette Discography, Shpongle

The past week was quite tough for me mentally as my chachi passed away last Sunday night. It was very tough for me when I found out as it was not news I was expecting to hear. I had been very happy that weekend and had some great times watching “SATC”, going out with friends, etc. The news shook me really bad on Monday Morning. A part of me felt that it was the last time i saw her before i left for London. She was my favorite chachi who did a lot for us all. I can never forget all the times she took care of me, ordered special meals for me when i stayed at their place, all those presents and most important all those duas. She endured so much in her lifetime (terrible inlaws, loss of two brothers and her daughter’s tragic death last year) as well as various ailments). It should be noted that she passed away exactly a year after my cousin’s tragic death. I was quite miserable for two days because i had no way of expressing my grief. It sucks when one is away from home as you have to grieve all alone and there is no way for you to express yourself. There is a feeling of hopelessness and you wish you were back home to be with your loved ones to comfort them. The only thing I hate is when people use those cliched lines “she is in a better place”, “pray for her”. Fine they may be right as there is nothing we can do except pray but cant they come up with something better or not say anything at all. There have been so many deaths in my family that i am shaken to the core. Each time i call home i have to ask about everyone because i am scared they might have passed away without me being in the loop. I always pray for my family and my pets as well so that they have nice long healthy lives. It is sad cause i lost my mumani (maternal uncle’s wife) in mid April and now i have lost yet another relative. We were all very close and it feels strange to loose someone else. At times i think these deaths are making us all numb and preparing us for the future. I just feel scared as there are more ailing relatives out there. I talked to my cousins earlier today. It wasn’t an easy time for me as they were quite distraught and it took me all my strength not to cry over the phone. I wish i could do something for them but alas i couldn’t.

At least i have all those good memories with me which i shall cherish forever. She may be gone but we shall remember her and join her soon someday. Dido was right when she said our life is on rent. We don’t own these bodies forever. Our lease will expire someday and we will be back to the earth we were created from.